The Dark Knight Trilogy: Film Reviews #2

The Public: We never said “Thank you!”

Chris Nolan: And you’ll never have to!

Okay, I know that’s actually a conversation between Gordon and Batman (spoiler alert: who is actually Bruce Wayne, if you happen to have been born on one of Jupiter’s moons and just arrived on Earth today), but I believe we all need to stand up, look at the sky and thank Christopher Nolan for restoring our beloved character to his former glory. Not only that, he introduced him in a whole new down-to-earth, realistic light to the mass audience. Not only that, he did so in such a graceful manner that kind of kept a bit of the gothic feel that the 1989 Batman built. NOT ONLY THAT – IT IS A COMIC BOOK MOVIE WITH AN OSCAR IN A MAJOR CATEGORY! I need to lie down, got too excited…

I am slightly against looking at the three movies separately, for they complete each other too much, but I reckon if I add chaos to the lack of writing talent in this article, it would be too much to bear.

That being said, let’s start off with Batman Begins. Stupid title. I remember when it first came out I DID NOT want to see it! And I’m the biggest bat-fan I know! There was too sour a taste left from the previous movie that had all but drained my faith in ever seeing a decent dark knight movie ever again (fuck you, Schumacher! Bat-skates?! Really?!). In the end I went to see it just before it came off cinemas… and it was THE BEST BATMAN MOVIE EVER! It captured the torment of the character like nothing on the big screen ever had! (Apologies to Tim Burton, but Michael Keaton as Batman!? Kind of shot yourself in the foot there, didn’t you?) Back to the point – what really grabbed me is that the movie takes itself seriously; the reality of Gotham is actually real. The cast has perfect harmony, no one overshines the others and in this way everyone fits perfectly into the story. Ever Katie Holmes, I swear. The stage was set…

The Dark Knight is to date the only movie I went to see four times at the cinema. In one week. I couldn’t get enough! This movie is what every bat-fan could ever dream of. It has the complex story, the emotional fuse, the tormented hero and brilliant villains! Heath Ledger gave us the performance of a lifetime. He put so much into portraying the Joker it is almost as if he knew it would be his last complete performance. You can rarely see an actor remove himself from a character as much. He gave himself completely to the image of the Clown Prince of Crime to such an extent that people will actually remember him with the paint on his face. Which I believe is the way he would want them to (given his career choice). The only thing I dislike about the movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Her face can put a cock to sleep. In the end, The Dark Knight is somber and delicate, morbid and artistic. It is the movie we deserve.

With Ledgers death, one can only wonder what plans Nolan held for the end of his trilogy. Respectably he refused to re-cast the Joker (which would have been an abomination) and instead went for a new villain. Bane was supposed to be the most horrific thing to happen to Gotham City. Unfortunately, you cannot follow Ledger, despite Tom Hardy’s best efforts. It just isn’t possible. Bane is a threat, he actually beats Batman, but still, you know that he will recover. With the Joker that was not certain, there was always room for Batman to lose. That being said, The Dark Knight Rises turned out to be the swan song that the trilogy deserved. It gave the films a sense of completeness in an epic and hugely emotional way. It was the best possible good-bye Nolan could say to our beloved universe. And we are forever grateful, that he created it.

Henry Ducard: A vigilante is just a man lost in the scramble for his own gratification. He can be destroyed, or locked up. But if you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, and if they can't stop you, then you become something else entirely.

Bruce: Which is?

Henry Ducard: Legend, Mr. Wayne.

~G.

Interstellar: Film Reviews #1

Cooper: I’m coming back…

Murph (crying): When?

                Knowing the general theme of the movie (saving the world and shit) one might wonder why I chose this particular quote off what I can only claim to be an honest opinion, for I could never consider myself worthy enough to put out an official article on the experience that is Interstellar. Anyway, the reason is this: all of its stars, and planets, and spaceships, and wormholes cannot cover up the fact that the center of this epic tale revolves around a normal, “down to earth” family’s struggle to hold on to each other despite the metaphorical or physical light years that stand between them.

                The story is set in the not-so-distant (or unlikely) future. Most of Earth’s resources have been used up and humanity is patiently waiting to die in the dirt (which is arguably a fate well deserved).  From the very beginning you get a strong sense of the overall “down to earth” atmosphere and tone of the movie. And yes, I am quite aware that I already used this phrase twice – it is no accident! No matter how deep into the galaxy the story sends poor ol’ Matthew McConaughey (fuck, they can spell in Texas), that feeling that everything happening in the film is in a strange way much closer to reality than to science fiction does not go away. This is on one hand due to the tremendous amount of thought that was put towards molding the script into a theoretical plausibility (to such an extent as to make an educated prediction of what a worm hole could actually look like), and on the other hand you have Nolan’s precious practical effects. And they are precious indeed. The green screen is down to almost zero – even the scene on the first planet had the enormous waves projected on huge screens in order to get a truly genuine performance out of the actors. Let’s face it, it’s just sad and honestly pathetic every time you see that picture of poor Gandalf sitting alone in a fucking green room in the opening scenes of the fucking Hobbit (you killed it, Peter, you fucking murdered it… greedy fuck). Thankfully, that is not the Nolan way, and that’s why you gotta love it!

                Needless to say, what makes this movie exceptional (beyond everything said up until now) is the performance. While reading on until the end, I would like you to imagine McConaughey’s face illuminated by a ray of heavenly light… beautiful, brilliant man. A surprise for me was that it was Jessica Chastain that stole quite a lot of the spotlight, especially when talking about her great scenes with Michael Cane (who makes you love him, then hate him with such ease that it’s ridiculous). I dare not speak of McConaughey’s talent as it is purely work of art and whatever I said would just tone it down. If anyone was left unmoved by the scene where he watches his kids’ videos for the first time – your heart is as black as the devil’s arse.  In other news: Casey Affleck is worthless and lifeless as usual. Oh, and Matt Damon is a floppy dick. Don’t mean to be and ass, but I just hate his fat sorry face… it’s a personal issue.

                What baffles me is the absolute lack of recognition for this masterpiece from the Academy (of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, trolls, I know this stuff!). Unforgivable. Hence forth, the Academy shall be renamed to the Cuntcademy.  

                But to end on a higher note – this could very well be the best movie I have ever seen. And if you are one of the five people alive yet to see this brilliant piece of cinema history – GO AND FUCKING WATCH IT! BEING IN ANTARCTICA IS NO EXCUSE! IT IS PROBABLY THE BEST MOVIE YOU WILL EVER SEE! (Until Nolan’s next project, come to think about it)
~G.

Godzilla: Classic VS Remake #1

I have been gone for awhile (that blog was just an experiment after all), but I am back with all force and this time I am not alone. Let me introduce you my cocky boyfriend and his surprisingly good writing which kind of makes me feel bad about myself and my attempt to conquer film studies. We will just have fun, like an old married couple trying to find an interesting hobby so that they don't die of boredom. Excuse my lover's attitude, that is just how it goes. 
This is one of our first ideas of а series of posts and we found it compelling since so many remakes appear nowadays in our cinemas. 


~I.

Before we get straight down to it I have something to say: FUCK ROLAND EMMERICH AND HIS FUCKING PRETENTIOUS DISASTER MOVIES. There, I feel much better now. And before I hear the furious roars of a thousand fan boys, let me say that I do not consider the 1998 shitstorm that was Godzilla a classic, but given the nature of the movie battle itself I consider the original 1954 version incomparable to the new remakes – mainly because of the vast difference in Asian and American cinema. And also, I would have to mention all of the other Asian versions. And I’m a lazy bastard. PS There may be some spoilers!

                Let’s start off with Emmerich’s “contribution” to the seventh art. First and shallowest of all, the taglines promoting of the movie is so much better suited for a porn flick. Not that there probably hasn’t been some thought put into “Size Does Matter” or “Something Big Is Happening”, but I reckon they would be better suited describing “The Incredible Hulk: An XXX Parody”.. or “Fifty Shades Of Grey”. Second of all: Matthew Broderick. You ass. Not only is he not even remotely likely to be considered an action hero, but the general “I think that was not just a fart” look on his face, for me, deems him unlikely to be much of a scientist. Perhaps Roland was trying to go for a cool/geeky touch to bring to the table, kind of the way Jeff Goldblum does in Jurassic Park. Needless to say this little experiment failed miserably. So that’s strike one. Come to think about it the strikes just keep on coming: Maria Pitillo’s “that dick has not been washed” look; Hank Azaria’s pure awkwardness and the general lack of effort put in the writing of the script. The one thing I would like to pardon when it comes to this movie is Jean Reno’s part in it. Based on his other contributions to the film industry, I think I can let this appearance slide. He probably just needed the money.

                On the other hand we have the fresh 2014 remake, courtesy of Gareth Edwards. And I know what you guys are thinking: “Who the fuck is Gareth Edwards and how did he come to direct such a blockbuster movie?” Well, don’t worry – no one really knows. Which turned out to be a good think, for expectations weren’t sky high as they were for the “original”. The first trailers were allusive, focusing on the people, slightly hinting the danger, the drama, the aftershock of what a huge motherfucking creature attacking humanity would actually feel and look like from the perspective of a common man. The cast is well balanced, focusing on a mixture of up-and-coming talents (Olsen and Taylor-Johnson) and proven and influential artists (Bryan “Hail-To-The-King” Cranston and Ken Watanabe). Now, can’t say that Watanabe’s weepy look doesn’t get old and that there aren’t some plot holes, but you can’t expect too much – it is a Godzilla movie, after all.

                I think it is pretty clear which version I consider to be superior. But if you still need convincing of the superiority of Edwards’s effort, here it is – GODZILLA IS NOT THE FUCKING VILLAIN (ROLAND, YOU WANKER!), HE IS THE PROTECTOR!  There, I said it. The victor is clearly the new and gloomy reptile, as opposed to the old and… well, gloomy reptile.

                Sorry I used “fuck” so much, mom.

                PS P.Diddy & Jimmy Page’s effort for the first movie’s theme song is worth hearing out.

                PSPS The Patriot was a fluke, admit it!

~G.